


A Pack a Day (Won't Keep the Boss Away)

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Series: TG Prompt Collection [34]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crack, Gen, Prompt Fic, Ui is suffering, chain-smoking, set him free!?!!?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: HAROSTAR:http://silverbulletsama.tumblr.com/post/159463194069/do-you-ever-think-about-how-much-ui-koori-is-going <---build around this horror. Make magic.((Ui just wants to go home, but Furuta wants to troll him for all he's worth))





	

It had been a long day and a longer night for Ui. He’d chain-smoked his way through a pack ( _and a half_ ) of cigarettes - he was pretty sure his lung capacity was now half of what it used to be. He just wanted to _**go home.**_  
  
Of course, that meant there was a gift-wrapped box on his desk ( _the paper had the word “party” printed on it and…were those dicks or party hats? Both?_ ). Ui knew exactly who the sender was. He also knew exactly how much he _**didn’t**_ want to deal with this.    
  
Ui stared at it, taking in the innocent way it perched on top of his coat. His coat that hadn’t been sprawled across his desk before.   
  
He pulled on it and, yep, _yep_ , _ **of course**_. It was glued to his desk.   
  
His coat was glued to his desk ( _he was never going to get it out of the wool_ ).   
  
it was…  
  
God. He wanted to go home ( _where he’d already changed all of the locks so Furuta couldn’t get in_ ). He wanted a drink. Anything but this.  
  
Another experimental tug proved that the box was also glued to Ui’s coat. He had to open it. Knowing Furuta, it probably contained something to get the glue out ( _Ui was lying to himself, but he needed to get through today without snapping_ ). It…  
  
It did not contain an anti-adhesive ( _Ui had dreams once. He had hopes, ambitions, a future…_ ).Instead, there was letter. And a map.   
  
It was a scavenger hunt.   
  
God, Ui was so OLD. He’d aged 100 years in this moment. He was going to die here ( _there were no more cigarettes in his pocket, but he was sincerely considering lighting a pen on fire if it would calm him down_ ).   
  
The map was, upon closer inspection, literally just a drawing on his own face. He looked angry in the picture, so Ui was willing to call it a pretty good likeness. He was probably supposed to walk the circuit the map described and follow the clues, however it had been _**a long day**_.   
  
He knew where Furuta would be, anyway ( _exactly where it would annoy Ui most_ ).   
  
Sighing heavily, Ui headed over to the grand office that used to belong to Tsuneyoshi. The whole space was opulent, demanded respect, and was therefore perfect for defacing. And well…  
  
Furuta sure had defaced it.   
  
A plush fur rug was taking up the entire floor ( _Ui refused to think of the cost_ ) and was covered in rose petals. There was enough champagne to drown himself in ( _not that he was planning to do that…yet_ ) on the central desk. Cheap birthday candles surrounded a spot in front of the desk, illuminating the pile of pillows there and………..  
…..  
…  
..  
.  
“Why are you naked?”   
  
Ui asked, willing his exhaustion to seep into his voice and physically manifest in the room, preferably to strangle his boss. Furuta simply looked at him coyly over his shoulder, wiggling his bare ass. After a beat of unimpressed silence from Ui, Furuta pouted and said,  
  
“I feel like I can be vulnerable around you.”  
  
It wasn’t that cold outside. Ui would gladly go home without a coat. He turned on his heel to leave, but was suddenly struck by an idea he couldn’t let go.   
  
Approaching his boss, Ui bent down and stared at the birthday candles. Slowly, unblinkingly, he poked the end of his pen into the flames until it started smoking. Then, still without blinking, he stuck the opposite end in his mouth, kicked over the candles, and fled before the carpet caught fire.  
  
Hopefully the plastic fumes would erase his memory of the whole thing and he wouldn’t be tried for arson.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt me at my tumblr through purgatoryandme.tumblr.com/ask/ 
> 
> Read previously answered prompts through purgatoryandme.tumblr.com/drabbles/


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